Freestyle review: Strictly Acid Jazz

V.A.
Strictly Acid Jazz
1xCD Beechwood

To : Tim Millington, Beechwood Music

Dear Mr. Millington,

(Geez, your name really sounds like Tom Middleton, you know : that guy from Global Communication ?)

When I purchased 'Strictly Acid Jazz' (for a lousy $5.5), compiled by yourself, I noticed that most of the tracks were featured on the equally budget-friendly ($15 for 3 CD's) 'This Is Acid Jazz' compilation. I didn't bother me then and it doesn't bother me now. However, you have to admit that the aura around those two compilations doesn't live up to the quality of most of the tracks. To be honest, you can call them 'Acid Jazz Top Dance Hitbox 1999', make a pink cover and sell it with a free rubber, if the funk keeps rollin' I'll buy it, cherish it and play it. Haha.

But was it really your choice to put 'Always there' by Incognito and the summer-hit 'Turn On Tune In Cope Out', along with some more cheap tracks on 'This Is Acid Jazz'? Wouldn't you rather add the original 'Always There' by Freddie Hubbard on the track listing and drop the 37th remix of 'Turn On...'? They do sound weird as opposed to the fantastic 'On My Mind' by The Allstars. This hard-to-find acidjazz gem on AcidJazz Records is a real classic in my eyes, pardon, ears. And the heavenly synths of 'Meateaters', or the ultimate lounge experience 'Chillin' by the -veary Britisjzzz- Lionel Moist Sextet, what do they have in common with Incognito ? Certainly not the fact that they are both acid-jazz tracks. Then why-oh-why did you have to spoil a 50 % perfectly funky compilation with 50 % rubbish ? Did they force you to ? Did they threaten to take away all your Lee Ritenour albums, did they ritually burn your Marvin Gaye LPs ? Did they blackmail you using your affair with N'Dea Davenport ? Did they keep the Brand New Heavies as hostages ? If this wasn't the case, then you'll have to admit : you ARE a bit of a weirdo.

Luckily enough, you came to my salvation and lately compiled 'Strictly Acid Jazz', including all the great tracks of 'This Is Acid Jazz' and adding some more great stuff like St. Margarita Collective and Dr. Villock. Nevertheless, the Barry White rework by Big Cheese Allstars is mediocre R'n B and Ebonys 'Feels Like' is more dance than jazz. So, you still fail to reach a 100% success ratio in your track selection.

Hey, I'm not going to destroy your self-respect. In fact : I'm going to give you some advice :
1. Leave Beechwood
2. Join AcidJazz
3. Buy classic jazzfunk, like 'Mystic Voyage' by Roy Ayers, 'Sneakin' in the back' by Tom Scott and the LA Express, 'Sun Goddess' by Ramsey Lewis, 'Gears' by Johhny Hammond and 'This Is Your Life' by Norman Connors, to name but a few.
4. Identify old-skool elements in new releases. Try to find interesting interpretations of old-skool acid-jazz (or jazz-funk as I prefer to call it) elements.
5. Put the funk in your music collection, your woofers and your mind.
6. By this time, you will learn to leave out cheap tracks. Now for the final steps :
7. Compile a great collection of old and new tracks, reflecting the true funk-roots of acid-jazz.
8. Call it 'Jazz-Funk Top Hits', make a pink cover and sell it with a free rubber. This way, cheap people will not like the music and cool people will not like the cover so that I will be the only one with the guts to buy it and the possibility to play it.
9. And yes, you can put me in the credits.

Sincerely,

Outspan